memories

6 - 7 years together

loads of memories.. the good times.. the bad times.. i will always cherish in my life..

we've grown up together.. we've been through the ups and downs

i've never expected it would end this way.. am damn shocked.. damn confused.. damn depressed.. but life moves on.. i have to move on

so many things that i want to express... but i dont know how.. these few days have been very hard for me.. i was in tears all da time.. all da way.. xle leka sket.. mesti menangis.. nangis nangis

i've never expected it would be this way.. this dugaan.. ujian from Allah is too great for me.. too heavy.. too drastic!!

all happened in few days.. imagine the state of shock am in? if my dear dear friends pon terkejut.. apa lagi aku???

baru brapa hari.. the other guy confessed.. sangat la terkejut.. kawan jadi camni.. kawan jadi minat.. jadi suka.. jadi sayang gile kat aku..

tersentak pon ada.. terduduk.. shocked..

many many times before.. kalo ada yg ngaku minat aku .. i would push them away.. i would steer them to be my friends.. but i dunno how.. i dunno why.. wif this guy? i've been in da state of confusion so badly..

alas.. bushuk pon tanya.. wats wrong. why da tears? why da sadness? i had to tell him.. i've told him everything.. i said that i couldnt bear to think of two-timing behind his back.. or skandaling behind his back.. so i had to tell.. i had to berpisah.. cos i want to try a different.. new life with the other person.. but i need him to know.. i need his consent

its really hard.. expressing all da doubts.. all da confusions.. my heart was heavy.. i cried all da way.. i apologised all da way. i've never expected it would be this way...

he nodded n nodded.. he's matured over these years.. he understands.. as we grow older.. the ways we think.. our perspective in life .. changes..

after speaking wif mommy yesterday.. i felt that a huge burden has been lifted.. maybe i was in doubt.. as i was afraid of all the changes that would happen.. she said.. "u're always like that.. always afraid of changes.. u're never the one who would want to study abroad.. or try somthing new..".. yeah.. dats da confusion that's been cloudin in my head..

no matter how bad or good it would be.. i would go through it.. i need to move on.. this has been a MAJOR thing in my life. do or dont.. its time.. its time to move on..

please pray.. i'll make it through good.