Paint the sky Red

Listening to a song posted by kakcik.. a.k.a sheerena saini :) paint the sky red.. suddenly feeling a lil bit melancholic.. nice tune kakcik! thanks for posting it


so well.................. just came back from a 2 hour movie. burlesque.. nice perfect bodies to die for! AnNabil was like "nyesal makan nugget" ahahah jaw dropping man the ladies' figures! damn sexy n cun!

okays.......... so!.. why so many SOs today? tah.. less than 60 days dah ni.......... no more working during raya. darn! hohohooooooooooo

is it really happening????????????????????????????????????? :) can't believe am getting closer to it...........

i bet i would be crying buckets of tears on the day.. hahah.. another step further in life
its the beginning and the ending for some things.

hope would be a better person.. can't simply say anything or everything that i have in head easily dah.. my words sometimes are really harsh n sharp. takotnya T_T

pray for the smooth journey ya. hhahaha.

:)

Kenapa?

Okay

So i was telling my colleagues what i was thinking while driving this morning..
why do men at the first stage of courting, they behave like they never had enough of the girl they are chasing. like they don't wanna miss anything or loosing any precious moments with the girl.

wake-up in the morning - text, want to bathe - text, want to eat - text, want to shit - text, going into car to work - text, driving stuck in jam -text, arrived at work - text, going back home - text, sleeping - text,

Some might even send cute lovey dovey emails, or send gifts.. while dating/walking together wanna hold hands n don wanna let go

when wanna see movies or eat they insist on paying

few months down the road, tadaaaaaaaaaaa.. everything MALAS already, text can be counted using 10 fingers, emails and gifts sometimes could be non-existent

excuse: too tired, too busy, caught up with something, BUTTTTT. last time bleh plak??????? go chill at mamak with frens boleh plakkk, play games and football bleh plak??..

why? i want answers from the guys, why? do u find that the girl is not important anymore? she's yours now and you have no worries to attend to other things? heloo, girls needs attention, ALL The attention they could get, beware, some girls might run if u don give them the attention.. if u can't maintain the same affection that u have given at the earlier stage or relationship then don't give so much at the beginning. girls might think that u dont love them, dont miss them, dont need them anymore, or playing their hearts like a fool

Girls pulak, when goin on first few dates, woww, dressed up like hell, so prim n proper while eating, laughing pon cover mouth with hands, eat so slow, sometimes dont finish
haha. when talking/discussing bout something, alwasy smiling and eager to discuss n listen, almost without fail always tend to follow as instructed

few months down the road, dressing up pon lazy, eat like pig, fart pon tak cover
each time talking/discussing - screaming as a way for disapproving any instructions. wateverla. HELP ME guys, i don't have much feedback on this issues from guys

AHHAHAHAH

married couples .. haih. first few moments living together like heaven, do everything together, arrange furnitures, bathe, cooking, cleaning, ironing, sleeping must cuddle
money no problem sharing, everything organise and calculate together, some might even have their budget planned out

few months down the road, pushing each other to complete the chores, arguing who did wat the last time and whose turn was it now, cuddling is like so hard cause partner is hot or too tired to cuddle
money is an issue, who spent more is drying up the dough, buying unnecessary things is a big major ISSUE

my point is, what i'm trying to say is.. why do relationships turn sour, boring, fall apart? why only at the beginning we would want to do everything nice for our partner, trying our best to please them... never fail to text, e-mail, call and tell them u miss n love them

why after so many months or years, all the tiny little details that you didn't bother or didn't mind at first are now such a big fuss?, sometimes its not fair for the other partner that is willing to keep the same pace in the relationship, who is willing to do anything to keep the spark ongoing if the other doesn't see or appreciate it

i've been told, in the first 10 years of marriage, life wouldn't be easy, its the biggest challenge/dugaan any married couple would face.... if only for 10 months u people can't make it, think bout it

what i've been told, communication is important, team-work? haha, tolak ansur in English apa?, keep the love ongoing, keep the spark strong, if after only 6 months pon u dont have the heart to do anything to make things right n nice why bother getting married?

my god, talked crap

p/s: am not referring to my current relationship ya, dont Speku sesuka hati n go gossiping behing my back! just a thought

okay

okay okay lama x update.
my office has finally blocked blogspot. yay!. T_T
am so darn busy with everything evolving around the world. but no progress with life. HAHA

pegi ofis. wat keje. or pretending to do work? no lah. i still do my work. only u know. procrastinate.
well. i guess being busy is good. at least keeping myself busy will keep my brains from thinking stupid unthinkable things

come back from home - play mall world - for 5 accounts i think, then now added backyard monsters. so far these 2 games je rajin main kt FB. mall world cos i have my therapy for shopping. even if its virtual !! hahahaaaaa T_T.. then tgk prison break.. then tgu chokie balik. then pegi makan. then balik tdo. if kije ptg. xbyk masa. x sempat buat apa. mall world je haha

i really cannot have free time for my brains to be cynical/pessimistic. cos whoa. i could really go over the boundaries in imagining things then i would be panicking. am i doing the right thing? is this the job i wanna be stucked with? hate my life n my crampy messy room. does he really love me? i would be stalking here n there. for wat? searching for flaws? searching for evident that all guys are the same?.. its not because i dont trust. its just the side of me that is panicking and gasping for air in the cruel world. HAHA.

see. am merepek-ing. back to laundry. tata

Bile Nak Kawin?

if you go through my previous posts. regardless which year. there must be a post i rant on the stupid question

But i guess everyone would face the same thing. the questions are neverending. bile nak abih belajar? bile nak kije? bile nak kawin? bile nak ada anak? bile nak dpt 2nd anak?

BORING!!

tibala hati aku dengki, nak aje aku kawin senyap senyap, nikah kat pejabat kadi
kan! xyah wat kenduri.. bazir je!! padan muka yg sebok sgt nk tanya. padahal setengah tu nak memerli, setengah tu kepochi, iyelerrrr aku kan penah putus tunang sebokla nk kepochi updates aku

:) abih tata

kalaulah

hati ini kan. macam suis lampu on/off

bile nak marah ngamuk je.. tekan off.. terus cool

bile nak nangis .. hati kecamuk kecai.. tekan ON untuk happiness yang melampau

bile hati nak rasa happy.. lebih lebih lebih happy.. tekan ON.. HAPPY MELAMPAU

haahhaha..

kalaulah.. kenangan yang tersimpan dalam otak. perasaan yang kumpul dalam hati.. tekan OFF.. hilang terusssssssssss....................... REBOOT

lembu yang da penat diperagakan

isn't it a wonder

how a smile can cover

the sadness untold

the grieveness unfold


why are you so cruel

your words are bitter

for the sacred soul

that i could never hold


you thought i couldn't see

the sneer you've given me

the pretense is so obvious


what were you thinking

you thought i didn't see?

the way you looked at me


please say that you were worried

or were you feeling sorry?

for, i am lonely

kelakar

kelakar
aku rasa sangat kelakar
kau boleh nak sentap ngan aku. .semata mata aku cakap apa yang aku fikirkan

situasi: pasangan bercinta di dalam kereta dalam perjalan pulang ke rumah selepas menziarahi kawan di rumah
lokasi: kota damansara

issue: nak keluar simpang tu.. ada kaum hindu sedang membuat perarakan untuk upacara sembahyang mengikut kepercayaan mereka.. ( xkisahla.. dah dorgnye agama)

pasangan lelaki: eeeee.. sempit je.. dahla karut je benda ni semua

pasangan wanita: mmgla karut.. u leh cakap camtu.. u pernah x terfikir ke.. yg dorg ni hari² menghadapi situasi/menghormati agama Islam. dengan azan 5 kali sehari.. adakah mereka berkata "memekak je dorang ni.. mengganggu"..

**correct me if what was said was truly wrong.. not based on the religion issue.. it was expressed based on humanitarian issue. on community issue.
if they could respect and accept our religion and ways of life.. the statement was purely a thought expressed out loud

lelaki tersebut sentapppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.. akhirnya memaki wanita itu. wanita terpinga-pinga.. eh.. aku x berhak ke nak voice out? bukannye sentuh isu agama langsung.. just expressed thoughts?..

in the end bergaduh..

i think.. if you really want to change the world according to your thoughts and guidelines.. first.. change yourself
kenapa bila wanita itu telah pon give-up untuk bertekak tentang benda xde kena mengena pon.. sorry if any of this had offended any of you
wanita tersebut telah minta.. sama-sama mereka berubah.. demi mengubah dunia.. mereka kenala ubah diri mereka dahulu

"ok. camnila.. kite tau apa yg betul apa yang tidak.. apa yg dosa apa yang tidak.. first thing first.. u dont touch me"

obviously we have our aurats.. so? was it so hard to adhere? no touching.. no holding hands.. no cuddling.. no kissing

WATEVER LA! was the answer from the guy

haish?????? sentap? apahal??????

i dont remember who's quote was this.. please let me know if any of you knows..

~Everyone thinks to change the world..
But no one thinks of changing himself..~

its really true aint it?

iyahhhhhhhhhhhh

iyaaaaaaaaa

ini entry merepek tahap gaban gagah perkasaaaa

ada hari aku ok
ada hari aku x ok
ada hari aku xde mood
ada hari aku happy giler
ada hari aku mereng
ada hari aku marah

pabila
rakan terapat ku
rakan yg aku mengadu domba ketika aku down

hari mereka lak down

x reti aku nk ckp per
aku ckp takat aku mampu nk cakp

ckp lebeh² kang org meluat lak
yelah
kite x rasa apa yg dia rasa
kite hanya mampu mendengar
memberi feedback
memberi nasihat
although i dont think i give great advices.. as i suck at it

owh.
aku benci bila otak aku berfikir secara aktif
kerana ianya akan berfikir benda benda yang kadang kala tidak perlu

dan lama lama membebankan aku
kerana membuat aku tidak boleh berfikir secara rasional
dan akhirnya membuat hati aku rasa berat n pedih kerana aku tidak mampu berfikir secara logik n straight

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

menci la camni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
macam² aku benci skang ni
macam² buat aku serabut skang ni
aku benci benci benci

jom lari?
sapa nk banje aku eskrem mcd?

dendam

masihkan anda ingat.. post tentang seekor binatang haram di ofis saya itiewww

jap.. cari balik gambo potrait dia yg aku lukis.. mahal woo



haaaaaaaaaaa
tu dia
cantik kan u olssssssssssssssssssssss

it seems dat he is very der sarcastic.. saiko maniac. filled with hate n anger n hatred n eh.. dendam apa dlm BI? blasah la. penuh dendam ngn aku

sbb aku antara yang berani mati lawan cakap/kata² lahanatnye yg x logik, x masuk akal itiew

2 kali.. productivity tracker n data yang orang kt PV (plaza vads) compile .. were wrong!
twice i tell u!!! and cam gampang skali.. dia duk maki pasal aku kat TL (team leader) aku.. ciannnnnnnnnnnn mama yan ku.. huk huk

pada hari aku cuti lak tu.. group members aku kata.. kalo la amoi ada.. abihla si gile tu.. mesti kena maki balik.. ye arr. dia leh maki maki TL aku. cam sialkan.. ko ingat ko bagusss? kalo ko bagus xpela kan.. dahla ko x bagus.. burok la tu.. kesial sgt

nak suh TL aku campak aku under PIP (apa tah kejadahnye.. under probation for 3months ke apa tah) or masuk inbound

koserrrrrrrrrrrr

TL aku marah balik. mana bleh.. xkn i nk penalise my agent due to the stupidity (kak yan x ckp camtu.. aku tambah lauk sendri) of the icoms (system lahanat lembab)

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

BODOH SIAL
bile aku tgk balik benda dorg buat tu, aku dispute.. there's no way the data is right.. there's no way i have done only those few cases. check check rock rock.. salah katanyaaaaaaaa

KEJI KAN!!?!?!?!?

twice this had happened.. twice. my percentage of productivity were WRONG!
stupid or wat this vads!!!

on monday.. i would love to see him n smack him in the head n tell him to pakai magnifying glass or read or check first.

IDIOT!!!

rosak.rosak.rosak

ye. semua benda nak merosak
aiyakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
tensen gue.

bak kata sur. sabar.. dugaan bulan puasa..

mula² gado

pastu sentap

phone biol

duit hilang

pc makin rosak

lama-lama

otak aku pn rosak

hati aku rosak


gile!!

.kata.

sentap.marah.hiba.sedeh.lapar.gile.
sakithati.meroyan.menggilai.menggilakan.
membebel.ddibenci.disukai.ingindibelai.
mausepak.tendang.tarik.pukul.inginmenangis....

entry gile sangap!

ye. ni dia entry begambo ketika sangap!!!
nahhh banyak kan handbags makk...
kekekekeke
ni pon ada lagi atas almari dlm kotak
aiyoh

asal kuar je mesti ada beli barang.. x earrings
x mende merepek.. x handbag.. x sah!!

tapi skang da slow down.. nak jimat duit.. ekekke

so mari kite menatap.. sambil tu aku nak kire brapa ada










36.. u olss

breakdown

my head is heavy
wif all the beatings inside
wif all the rage inside
wif all the shits inside


my heart is heavy
wif all the hurt inside
wif all the burden inside
wif all the shits inside


my head is heavy
cause i'm damn tired
of being called a bitch!
wif all the shits outside

my heart is heavy
as it's been hurt
in n out.. by a friend
wif all the shits inside him


why da bitch could go on smiling?

cause like i've told you
there was nothing
there was nothing like u've said
there was no truth to what u've accused
there was no truth to what u've assumed

my head is heavy
u don't know me well
u don't have the right
u don't have the ability to open up your eyes


it's all in you
it's all your fault

come on friend

come on friend
i know u're down
i can see from ur frown

come on friend
i've been on da ground
even in da dumps

come on friend
i know its hard
i know it hurts ur heart

come on friend
who ever said life is easy?
who ever said love is pretty?

come on friend
i know nothin'll make u ok today
cause i know ur heart is astray

come on friend
just lay down ur head

come on friend
i know its hard

come on friend
let go of ur heart

kebas=numbed

kakiku kebas
kebas kakiku
akibat duduk di depan kamu ini
adeh

kakiku kebas
kebas kakiku
akibat kebosanan tahap maksima ini
hmmmm

kakiku kebas
kebas kakiku
akibat esok cuti.. malam ni xle kuar.. sebab keta xde kat aku
waaaaaaa

kakiku kebas
kebas kakiku
akibat.. sakit jiwa n otak..
ahahahahah

bang bang bang

bang bang bang

how i wish it wont end
the pain that hits me
felt like pure joy

bang bang bang

i just wished my head would burst
how i wished time could be reversed
how i wished time could tell
how long could i stand?
how long would this last?
how long will i last?

bang bang bang
now she's dead

Will

when i'm dead

a few things i wanna say before i go

saint.. u know who u r.. u must remember to sing hujan's bila aku sudah tiada.. ahahha .. dats our promise when we heard dat song played

u tell nids.. i love her mucho.. cherish all da good times i had since we were 18 till la 24 ni
tell her to go for her appointment n for god sakes.. her braces its already overdue

tell bai.. i wish her all da best in finding the right man.. she deserves da best!

tell my sister.. my mom.. i'm sorry.. i became like a shit! ahahhaha

havent decide yet on how am i going to die.

i already knocked my head hard with my fists.. already slapped my face till my lips are swollen

was thinking of turnin on the iron till its hot and knock my head till it smashes into pieces..

then i thought of drivin the car n slammed it into the wall.. much nicer n easier eh? but i'm not sure whether he drove the car or ride on his bike

then i thought of slittin my wrists.. but all da things i have are blunt.. was thinking of using the shaver. how pathetic?

then i thought of electrocuting myself

then i dunno la

then i called someone who loved me
how pathetic ???

then i cooled down

then i wrote this

but then..

i really wished i was dead

crypted world
sometimes am so tired to decipher the cryptic lessons of life gave me
exhausted of catching up with life

falling back
falling into a black hole

pierced freak
piercing feeling.. i can't express how it felt
confused
what the hell
depictive memories sucked me whole
sucked me deeper n deeper
consuming me little by little
leaving nothing but ashes

ashes flew
leaving behind
only a spark of a wonderful moment

trapped
trapped
the trapped feeling is infinity
help me
take me away
wake me up
wake me up
from this horrible wicked dream

piercing feeling
deep in my heart
why is it there?
no one can tell
no one can conclude
neither me nor you

piercing feeling
so deep today

take it away
take it away

where?
tears
tears
running down my cheeks

why is it flowing
unable to be stopped
uncertain of the feelings
confusion kicking in

reaching out for something that is not there
something that was never there?
its a wonder..
now it explains why i fell
fell

grasping for air
grasping for something true
where is the love?

longing to feel needed
needed to feel belonged

why?
where is that something i tried to reach for?
where has it been?
why is it gone?

maybe its because i've stopped believing
believing in love

love that needs believing

love that needs reliving

inside
i laughed
i cried
i laughed
i cried

till i was exhausted by the devil inside

what is he trying to teach?
what is he trying to reach?
what is he trying to preach?
what is he trying to teach?

the devil inside

laughing
as it was you i was trying to reach

child
go away little child
your lovely smiles

go away little child
you and your lovely cries

go away little child
you have showered me with innocent smiles

go away little child
your love had seeped through my heart

go away little child
your words are like lullabies

go away little child
it is time to say goodbye

go away little child
for your love couldn't be mine