ol post by ammogurl

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Things I've Given Up
I've given up smiling at home.cos smiling n looking like i'm happy at home attracts danger in the form of 1 step-mom. she can never NEVER rest seeing that i'm happy. which results with housechores or anything that she can think of that will make me unhappy.

I've given up saying no to family vacations.cos it doesn't matter that i dun wanna go, or that my s-mom would rather not have me following, my dad wants the whole family to go . like we're one happy family. that's what he wants. what I want means nothing.

I've given up standing up for myself.cos, no matter what, she's ALWAYS right, it's ALWAYS my fault, or my sister's fault. it's never her fault. and the fact that she's the one who married my father has nothing to do with the shitty life that she's leading now, cos it's my fault.

I've given up asking for my allowance. ( a long time ago)cos, when we do ask for money "money money money! all u know is ask for money!" and also bcos, she will remember EVERY-SINGLE-CENT that had to be spent on me or my sister. she will bring it up, every time there's a fight. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I've given up talking to her.oh, wait a minute, conversation between us is non-existant anyway.

I've given up eating durian.not that i love durian, i dun hate it. but i gave up bcos everytime we eat durian, n ever since my sis left d house, i have to clean up. "oh, nvrmd, jus leave it, she'll clean it up" she juz walks off, oh, her children nvr have to clean up after themselves.

I've given up listening to her.whenever she rant, i go into zombie mode. nod at the rite time, walk off when she's done. works everytime.

I've given up trying to please her.there's nothing in this world that i can do to please her. n i'm not gonna waste my time trying.

I've given up coming home for the weekends.cos there's no point, it only adds on to all the stress.

but there's 1 thing i haven't given upMY LIFE


was so sad when i read it
makes me feel useless
couldnt even help my sister
all i did was ran away
yup
i ran away from the problem

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